‘Tanked’ recap: ‘The Tank of Jericho’

Tanked

TANKED
Season 12, Episode 1
“The Tank of Jericho”
AIR DATE: April 21, 2017
GRADE: —

Welcome back to Animal Planet’s “Tanked”, a reality show where two New York transplants (Brett Raymer and Wayde King) running an aquarium business out of Las Vegas build the world’s greatest fish tanks.

This week’s guest star is WWE’s Chris Jericho!

LAS VEGAS, NEVADA – Acrylic Tank Manufacturing

The show starts with Brett telling Wayde that he took his son to see a WWE event and met Chris Jericho there. Wayde’s thrilled for Brett and he’s even more thrilled to learn that Jericho “sent Brett a piece of mail” (which looks suspiciously like a piece of paper with a message somebody forged to look like Jericho wrote it) which states that Jericho wants the boys to come to Tampa, Florida so that they can build Jericho’s family a tank.

So, they do. They literally hop on a plane and leave for Tampa in the middle of a Tuesday because that’s how this show works.

TAMPA BAY, FLORIDA – Chris Jericho’s house

Jericho has a nice home near a lake and says that he really wants a tank inside of his home since the family loves the water. Only catch: it has to be bigger than the tank they built for WWE Superstar Titus O’Neil. Here’s what O’Neil’s tank looked like:

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The guys chuckle at the notion but promise this nonetheless.

Jericho brings them inside his house and shows them his man-cave which consists of mounted copies of old magazine covers of himself, tons of old title belts from his WCW and early WWE days and his light-up jacket(!). Jericho suddenly stops and has a moment of clarity: “This is the most egotistical room…” The guys laugh. Jericho shows off an extensive VHS/DVD collection to which Brett says, “Maybe we can build you an aquarium and get you a SmartTV!” Jericho shows off his numerous titles and then lets them see his most current one: the WWE United States Championship title. Brett takes the title and says it’s his, prompting Jericho to bring out his “List of Jericho”. Wayde doesn’t get the gimmick at all but Brett’s completely geeking out. Jericho puts the two on “The List”. Then Brett gets to try on Jericho’s jacket which makes Brett giddy again but makes Jericho crazy. They even make it sparkle and Brett says he’s ready to go clubbing. Jericho: “Yeah…you do that and every girl will NEVER talk to you…”

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Jericho comes out of character and begins the rest of the tour, showing them his backyard. He introduces them to his son, Ash, who wants an eel in the new tank and who is also incredibly knowledgeable about fish and has his own tank. He shows Brett and Wayde his tank and points out the various species of fish that came from the lake outside. Wayde’s incredibly impressed and, to please those viewers who think that Tanked promotes animal abuse, both Wayde and Brett explain that anything that gets added to a tank from a natural source should be in quarantine so that parasites can “jump off” the fish prior to being added to the tank. THE MORE YOU KNOW! Brett offers his card to Ash and tells him to call him anytime if he has questions. The Tanked guys ask if they’re replacing Ash’s tank but Ash isn’t having that as it’s his own ongoing habitat.

Jericho, instead, shows them the empty space where the tank is going to be: it’s in the dining room where Jericho has guests. He wants something that will totally wow them. The guys are gonna do a trapezoidal tank against the wall. They ask Jericho what he wants inside the tank. Jericho then introduces his daughters, Cheyenne and Sierra. They ALSO have a “List” that contains their demands:

  • PRetty coral colors
  • Saltwater fish
  • A championship belt
  • The List of Jericho has to be incorporated somehow

Jericho says they could make the List say “The Tank of Jericho” instead of “The List of Jericho”.

Wayde says he’d like to get started but they’d love to show Jericho what kind of fish would go in the tank — and what better way to do so than to take him and his son, Ash, to the RumFish Grill to check out one of the biggest tanks they’ve ever built. Jericho, forgetting he’s a wrestler who has very little time off, agrees to go.

ST. PETE’S BEACH, FLORIDA – RumFish Grill @ The Tradewinds Resort

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Yeah. That’s the tank they built. Jericho and his son are equally impressed. The guys point out the names of the fish and Ash spots the big resident eel whose name is “Frankie” which is short for “Frankenstein” since the top of his head looks like it has some scarring. So, that’s nice of them to shame a fish. Jericho’s not seeing the “cute” in this and says that “Frankenstein the Eel” sounds terrifying. He’s even more frightened when Brett and Wayde invite Chris and Ash to go diving inside the tank. Ash is all for it. Chris is sick to his stomach because he doesn’t like Frankie the Eel. Brett tells him that the wrestlers he’s fought are more dangerous but if Chris doesn’t want to go, “HE JUST MADE THE SCAREDY-CAT LIST!!!”

Moments later, everyone is suited up. Chris is almost over his fear — until Wayde points out the ground rules which basically says NOT to touch Frankie the freakin’ Eel. Jericho: “Then why the heck are we going in there then?!” Jericho also has his diving suit on backwards. Don’t worry. It’s a total work. Jericho, Wayde and Ash swim around for a while, taking a look at the fish swimming around them until Chris surfaces, out of breath, proclaiming that he just saw Frankie and “he’s 30 feet long…maybe 40…” Wayde says Ash was practically petting Frankie (Rules? I don’t see any rules about not touching Frankie…) and Chris is scared. That’s when Frankie comes up to Jericho’s foot to say hello, causing Jericho to shoot out of the water. From here, it’s back to Vegas!

LAS VEGAS, NEVADA – Acrylic Tank Manufacturing

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Brett approaches “Redneck” (he’s on of ATM’s tank designers) and tells him that they saw Chris Jericho in Tampa. Redneck knows who that is and says that he came in 7th Place on ABC’s “Dancing With the Stars” a show Brett can’t even begin to believe Redneck watches. Redneck says he watches that AND “The Bachelor”. Brett: “Who ARE you?!” Brett says he’s on Jericho’s “List” now. Redneck remarks that it’s right where Brett needs to be. Brett geeks out about the Jericho Jacket — which Redneck thinks they should include in the tank. Brett’s all in — except the logistics are a bit hard to work out. Neither guy wants to do this…so they go see Wayde to get his input.

Wayde, in turn, goes to see Denny, their tank props guy. Denny’s already manufactured a jacket. The men stuff the jacket to make it look like somebody’s wearing it. The plan is to cover the thing in beads that will refract light that will be directly shone on the jacket, making it appear to “sparkle”. Denny tells him that laying down the beads on the jacket is going to be a gigantic pain in the ass. Wayde says to think of them as “studs” and the two of them talk about manly man things like muscles and leather. it’s manly. MANLY!

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Suddenly, a Wild Chris Jericho calls! He says he wants to stop by ATM since he’s in town, performing for Monday Night RAW. Wayde’s cool with that and tells Denny to finish the jacket in his office while Wayde sets up the dog and pony show with the tank. Moments later, Jericho’s in the shop and remarking that he had no idea how large an operation Brett and Wayde had, remarking that he thought maybe they were doing this out of their basement. He checks out the tank and like what he sees, then he checks out the coral insert with the eel cave. Are we gonna see FRANKIE THE EEL APPEAR OUT OF NOWHERE??? No. There’s no water yet.

Chris doesn’t really like the “Eel cave” part of the coral insert and says that it needs to be “larger”. The guys tell Jericho that the cave has to be somewhat snug because Eels needs a place to “lurk” as it were and they need to feel secure. I usually say the same kinds of things about our cat. Jericho says he just wants a slightly larger cave so he can see what the Eel is having for dinner — or maybe the Eel is having a lady Eel over. Wayde literally tells Jericho to cut the cave himself so he achieves the custom design he wants. I’m wincing as Jericho takes off a pretty sizable chunk from the Eel cave.

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When he finishes, Brett asks him he’s happy. Jericho has no idea. He asks Brett if the Eel will be “okay”. What the hell kind of business IS this?! Wayde reassures everyone that the freakin’ EEL IS WILL BE FINE, EVERYONE. IT’S ALL GOOD. Jericho wants a job at ATM because drilling and sawing is hard and works out the arm muscles well. He will even put a show up on WWE Network called “Jericho Saws Things”. Looking at the desperate need for decent original shows on said network, I think people would watch it.

LOS ANGELES, CA – Sea Dwelling Creatures

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Because the women on this show used to do nothing at all except sit at their desks and look attractive, they’ve recently been given the arbitrary chore of “picking out fish for people’s tanks”. Not sawing, not helping build, not do anything else but “pick out fish”. So they visit Paul over at “Sea Dwelling Creatures” where we have to put up with Paul sucking up to Jericho on camera and doing a decent, yet unnecessary imitation of “Macho Man” Randy Savage while he talks about how shiny and colorful certain fish are while Heather (Wayde’s wife and Brett’s sister) goes, “Oooook, Randy Savage!” Did I mention the women on this show are under-used and portrayed as near-useless?

They choose a Snowflake Eel (this has to be a record for the amount of times I, or anyone else, has mentioned the word, “Eel” — even for this show), a Harlequin Tusk (because it looks like a wrestler), and an Orange Spot Rabbit Fish which Paul promises the Tusk won’t eat because THEY’RE A TAG TEAM, BROTHEEEEER! Apparently, the Rabbit Fish would kill any fish that attacked anyway JUST LIKE A WRESTLER KNOCKING ANOTHER WRESTLER TO THE MAT!!! OOOOOHH YEAAAAAH!!! Agnes and Heather tell viewers Paul is a “huge wrestling fan”. Really? I thought he had skipped his medication. Thanks for explaining that.

LAS VEGAS, NV – Acrylic Tank Manufacturing (ATM)

Brett and Agnes (holy SHIT, Agnes is allowed to do something OTHER than pick out fish?) visit Denny in the shop. Denny is making a championship belt for the Jericho Tank. He shows them that it will be covered in gold paint which is safe for the fish — and which Agnes says would make a good eye shadow, rubbing it on her skin without so much as asking “Is it toxic to humans?” Denny: “Wow…” The issue at hand is that each title belt front plate needs to “bend” a bit to look realistic — except Denny already set the resin. Oops. So the team scrambles for a bucket to tape the resin mold over. DRAMA! They finally find one and manage to successfully get the “plate” to bend.

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The three celebrate and Agnes decides to wear the belt first. Yay, go team!

Wayde and Redneck meet up while Denny paints the title belt. They need to find out where they want to put “The Tank of Jericho” prop except — whoops, the prop reads “The List of Jericho” and not “The Tank of Jericho” like it’s supposed to. Redneck argues with Wayde that he got the picture in e-mail and shows it to Wayde. Wayde asks him why he didn’t read the writing that came with it that clearly stated that it was supposed to say “The Tank of Jericho”. Redneck says that all he got was a picture! MORE DRAMA! But, that’s okay. They have time to not only correct this, but move coral around so it doesn’t block the plaque.

Agnes and Heather visit Wayde with a clear blue rocks that will be added to Jericho’s jacket. Wayde explains the prop to the girls but also explains that a battery pack and wiring isn’t going to work inside the tank, so they’re going to have to light it using external lights around the jacket to simulate the jacket’s light-up feature. Wayde says they’re gonna test the beads now. The girls LOVE THAT, OMG! The plan is to glue these stones to a black leather strip and drop them in the water to test out the lighting effects with an LED flashlight. The girls like the stones in the middle, so those are the stones to buy in bulk.

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TAMPA BAY, FL – Chris Jericho’s house

The tank is ready to go and the guys travel to Florida to set it up. Everything goes nicely with the guys making jokes about “breaking the tank and ending up on The List” which they were already on but, ha-ha, that’s funny to everyone not really paying attention on a Friday night. Our third bit of DRAMA(!!!) comes when the boys can’t get the tank up a step with a depth of about three inches. This is resolved thirty seconds later when they all “lift a different way”. Crisis averted! But, then, Wayde is goofing off outside while Brett does “all the work”! So Brett tells them to come back inside and help! Those rascally install guys! They add the sand called “Nature’s Ocean” which, I swear, this show is legally obligated to name-drop every single episode.

Brett’s outside with Ash who just shows up like he’s been living in the walls and Brett explains that they’re about to add the seawater to the tank. It comes from a giant box. Brett gives Ash the duty of turning on the hose. Ash does just fine with this. Brett explains that after the water is added, the fish have to get acclimated which takes about an hour and a half. Jericho says with that much time to kill, they should do a guest spot on his podcast, “Talk is Jericho”. Brett says he’d totally love to do so. Brett gathers Wayde and the two head upstairs to Jericho’s “man-cave” to do “Tanked is Jericho”, an episode you can listen to right here.

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Following this, the boys fill the tank with the fish, culminating in THE EEL OF DOOM. Once it’s done, Brett and Wayde attache the canopy and facade and it’s time to show off the tank — but, wait: Wayde’s nervous for some reason…why? Because he just got a text from WWE Superstar Titus O’Neil — and he’s on his way to Jericho’s house to see the new tank, too…ruh-roh. In any case, the Jericho Family comes in to check out their brand-new “Tank of Jericho”!

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The Jericho Family is blown away by the tank and Brett and Wayde explain each and every single fish including the EEL in case anyone was wondering. They also go over the props which include:

The Jacket of Jericho

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The Family Championship Title

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…and the clipboard showing The Tank of Jericho.

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Jericho is so thrilled, he says that Brett and Wayde have UN-made “The List”. Wayde and Brett celebrate.

Brett reviews the stats of the tank and goes over the features again for the viewers.

The show ends with Brett and Wayde about to drive off — only Titus sees them and chases them for making Jericho a bigger tank. Wayde and Brett floor it and get out of there as Titus goes ballistic and says that this “isn’t right” and then he goes for the camera man. Har-har.

THOUGHTS: Good show tonight. Not at all boring and I love the ideas for the tank…however, this isn’t one of the better tanks the ATM guys have created. It’s definitely clever. I give the tank a B+ as the props feel a bit dropped in. I’m not a huge fan of props in a tank because it can really make an otherwise great tank into something gaudy and tacky.

NEXT WEEK: Kevin Smith gets a tank…join us then!

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