‘WWE Tough Enough’ recap: ‘Swallow Your Pride, It’s Good For You’

Last week, Gabi went home. Despite the fact that Tanner has been in decline since he started or that Sara Lee has no significance at all except that she her name is Sara Lee and just saying it makes me think I smell fresh baked Snicker Doodles. Who will go home this week? Is Patrick a red shirt or is he an evil villain? How insecure is Hulk Hogan?
Let’s find out!

FULL SAIL UNIVERSITY

Arena
We are LIVE(!) from Full Sail University! Chris Jericho and Renee Young are the hosts. Jericho compliments Renee’s scarf. Renee does The Arsenio Fist Pump. Shit’s already real.

Paige is happy to be here. Bryan plugs his new book. Hogan can’t wait to read it.

For some reason, Big Show is here and he’s ready to show the competitors what it’s like to be in the ring with the Big Show. (DANIELLE: And the audience flips over to the Sharknado Marathon on SyFy.)

WWE PERFORMANCE CENTER

Barracks
The girls start scouting each other. Patrick’s cocky as fuck and wants to know “what it’s like to be in the Bottom 3”. ZZ doesn’t like it and sits Patrick down for a heart-to-heart. ZZ: “Have you ever had a peanut butter sandwich? It sucks. You have to have a little jelly.” (DANIELLE: Is ZZ trying to initiate a threesome here? I don’t…)

ROCK ON ADVENTURES

Obstacle Course
Everyone has to run an insane obstacle course. Lita goes over the rules and nobody is allowed to break them. Billy Gunn brings in an “enforcer”. It’s Nattie, being escorted to the course by the Clermont Police. (DANIELLE: Was she shopping with Emma earlier? What’s with the cop cars?) Nattie says the cops will help her enforce the rules. (DANIELLE: Then why do we need Nattie?!) Tanner says he can’t wait to figure out something to say to Patrick when he wins. Patrick doesn’t like this. ZZ’s a fucking turtle. Tanner wins by about three hours, then starts talking shit. Then he feels bad and starts helping Patrick out, saying that he needs “competition”. ZZ is still dead at the middle of the course. Giorgia wins for the girls. Chelsea can’t even do the rope climb until everyone cheers her on. Then she hits the top of the rope beam — and falls funny. She calls for a medic. (DANIELLE: Creative’s like, “Well…who else has Daniel Bryan slept with?”) When we come back from a break, everyone’s banged up. Nattie says that this is a sample of the pain they’ll feel in the ring.

Doctor’s Office
Chelsea’s got a sprained ankle. Her new boyfriend, Tanner, is with her. He cheers her on. Chelsea has to rest her ankle for a month.

WWE PERFORMANCE CENTER

Barracks
GiGi (that’s her name now) talks shit with Amanda until Chelsea gets back. Josh is depressed about coming in third and decides to Facetime with his family. He does his Yeti growl for his daughter which is cute as hell. Sara Lee goes to hang out with Chelsea. Chelsea says that she can’t show weakness. She’s gonna do whatever it takes to get into the ring, no matter how much pain she ends up feeling.

The boys try to console ZZ. Mada and Tanner tell him not to sulk and he needs to step it up and work on things. Patrick loses his collective shit and starts barking at ZZ, telling him that everyone in the Barracks works harder than he does and he’ll be damned if ZZ just keeps winning competitions because he’s got “character”. (DANIELLE: “Anyone…but you, ZZ…anyone…but you…” *WYATT CUT*)

After a break, Amanda’s legs are torn up from the rope. (DANIELLE: Or Tanner railing her last night.) That’s not Chelsea. (DANIELLE: Oh, he’ll fuck anything with a pulse.) Sara Lee accidentally admits the truth about Chelsea’s ankle. Amanda drools over this. (DANIELLE: Bad little cupcake!) 

Gym
Billy Gunn wants to know how Chelsea’s ankle’s doing. Chelsea can’t answer fast enough before one of the girls says that she heard Chelsea couldn’t put weight on it for a month. Sara Lee is horrified. Then GiGi starts to fake cry over how “unfortunate” it all is, causing even Chelsea to Picard Facepalm. Sara Lee calls GiGi a fake. Gunn wants to know what Chelsea’s gonna do. Chelsea says she’s sitting this one out.

The rest of the cast gets in the ring with their helmets on. The new exercise is a run into a scoop slam. They all try it. Gunn pairs everyone up to do this. The winner of each pair gets to talk trash to their losing opponent while they do 50 squats. The losers have to say whatever the winners want. ZZ loses, Patrick loses, Sara Lee loses. It’s almost predictable.

Booker says that Mada wins the guy’s competition.

Lita says GiGi wins on the women’s side.

Barracks
Sara Lee goes after Amanda for selling her out earlier. GiGi defends Amanda. Sara Lee wants to talk to one of them. Josh giggles while Tanner furiously eats the hell out of his popcorn. Sara Lee screams at both women and tells them to shut the fuck up.

FULL SAIL UNIVERSITY

Arena
Jericho and Big Show compare hands. (DANIELLE: Is this “showing the contestants what it’s like” to be in the ring with Show?) Show says he’s gonna show them his Chest Chop. He wants the guys to remove their shirts. Each guy takes one. (DANIELLE: Every one of my gay friends immediately hits Season Pass on their DVR.) When he gets to ZZ, he asks ZZ if he brought him a Peanut Butter Sandwich. Show rips ZZ’s tank top off and slaps him. (DANIELLE: Well, that was neat, but what did that have to do with anything?)

After break, the judges grill the contestants. Bryan confirms that Chelsea’s cleared to compete. He asks ZZ if he’s been working out. Somebody answers off-screen. Patrick says ZZ’s working hard. Hogan praises Mada. Paige commends Sara Lee.

BOTTOM 3:

  • Daniel Bryan: ZZ – There’s been no improvement getting in shape.
  • Paige: Patrick – Patrick is learning humility this week. He wasn’t good at all.
  • Hogan: Josh, for some reason – A really weak explanation about how he doesn’t step it up. Paige and Jericho both point out how consistent he was.

PLEAS:

  • Josh: He’s learned a lot and he knows he can do better.
  • ZZ: He loves this business.
  • Patrick: Yeah. What ZZ said.

Bryan wants to make two saves. But he can’t. So he saves nobody. (DANIELLE: Huh?!) None of the judges wanna make a save.

GOING HOME: Patrick

Renee Young interviews him. Patrick says he will be back. Patrick won’t shut his mouth. He yacks endlessly about wanting ZZ to win and says that he, himself, is a “winner”.

OVERALL: Decent show for the most part. I’m a bit confused as to how ZZ didn’t go home when he nearly had a heart attack during the obstacle course and lost the ring competition. I don’t know why Hogan picked Josh to be in the Bottom 3 when he did far better than ZZ and more than Chelsea who isn’t even memorable. For those who say this isn’t fixed, I beg to differ.

Er…that’s it.

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