THIS RETRO BUSINESS: Saturday Night’s Main Event #7 – October 4, 1986

The rub was that, after the 2015 Royal Rumble, we were supposed to cancel our WWE Network subs, en masse. I guess that partially worked. WWE did make a bit of a change and erased some of the bullshit we’ve been seeing. They also changed Fastlane so that the main event was better — though, I’d be VERY shocked to see Bryan go over on Reigns.

In any case, I can’t cancel the Network because I love the old stuff way too much. This is the stuff I grew up with.

What fans could do is stop watching WWE programming all together. The ratings might send a bigger message.
Let’s get moving…
We start with Jesse Ventura who has returned from filming the first “Predator” film. Either that, or “Tag Team”. I can’t remember the timeline.
We get a weird bunch of spots from various Superstars:
  • Jake Roberts is hanging with his “wild, wet friend”, Damien, in the shower. He faces Ricky Steamboat in a Snake Pit Match.
  • Johnny V’s Dream Team faces the British Bulldogs and they want the titles back.
  • Kamala is hanging with The Wizard and he’s in action.
  • Bobby Heenan hangs with Paul Orndorff, who’s all oily and posing in front of a mirror. Orndorff calls Hulk Hogan a crybaby.
  • Hogan says that Orndorff is going down tonight and calls him a “Benedict Arnold”.

And that’s our card, I guess.

We are TAPED(!!!) from Cleveland, Ohio!!!

Vince McMahon and Jesse “The Body” Ventura are the guys on the mics.

Vince says they missed Ventura last time out. Ventura calls that show sad.

Mean Gene has Rowdy Roddy Piper backstage. He’s got crutches, his leg is injured and he ain’t happy. He was attacked by Adrian Adonis on Superstars of Wrestling. Piper says he’s gonna wrestle, regardless of his leg being beat up.

We review Paul Orndorff sneak attacking Hulk Hogan in New York.

Hogan does a spot, backstage, where he just cannot believe, for the life of him, how Orndorff turned his back on all those fans who believed in him. Tonight, he will beat Orndorff.

Mean Gene interviews Bobby Heenan and Orndorff. Heenan calls Hogan an “albino ape” despite the fact that Hogan’s friggin’ orange. Orndorff can’t wait to win the title.

Orndorff comes out to Hogan’s music and even does the “let me hear you” bit. Hogan’s pissed and physically moves Mean Gene out of the way when Gene gets in the way and heads to the ring.

MATCH #1: “Mr. Wonderful” Paul Orndorff (challenger) (w/ Bobby “The Brain” Heenan) vs. Hulk Hogan (champion) for the WWF Championship
Orndorff beats on Hogan who no-sells and retaliates. Heenan gets involved but Hogan knocks him off the mat. Orndorff takes over. Heenan distracts again. Orndorff levels Hogan and Hogan ends up on the floor, crashing into the timekeeper. Orndorff knees him in the head and Orndorff mocks the “let me hear you” Hogan bit. Hogan gets back into the ring and Orndorff chokes him with a knee. Orndorff drops a knee and gets two. Orndorff hits a suplex and gets two. Hogan hits a quick knee off an Orndorff whip, then goes for a legdrop — but Heenan grabs Hogan’s leg. “Security” suddenly shows up and detains Heenan, tossing him into a locked room. We go to break.

When we come back, Heenan is still pounding on the door, demanding his release. In ring, Orndorff is back in control again, hitting kicks, knees and elbows. He chokes Hogan, then hits a backbreaker and elbow. Close fall. Orndorff hits a short-arm clothesline, then sets up for the Piledriver but Hogan counters and dumps Orndorff to the mat. Hogan begins the No-Sell-apalooza. He hits an elbow on Orndorff, then hits a clothesline. He calls for a Piledriver — but Adrian Adonis comes in out of nowhere to interfere. Match ends in a DQ.
WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: Hulk Hogan via DQ
RATING: ***. I loved the SNME matches with Hogan. The crowd was always into it and it really made the matches special.

Post-match, Adonis and Orndorff beat on Hogan until Rowdy Roddy Piper shows up and takes Orndorff and Adonis out. He nearly destroys Hogan, too, but Hogan ducks the crutch shot and tells Piper to bring it on. Piper, disgusted at who he’s just saved, throws the crutch to the mat and leaves.

Jake Roberts does a spot in the shower with Damien. He’s ready for Steamboat, despite his loss at The Big Event. Steamboat, on the other hand, has a Giant Gila Monster or something.

MATCH #2: Jake “The Snake” Roberts vs. Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat
Steamboat flips Roberts over his back and gets two. Quick armdrag by Steamboat and an armbar. Dragon drops Roberts on his face off an Irish Whip. Two count. Another arm drag. Roberts kicks at the bag that Steamboat has in his corner and the bag moves. Roberts looks nervous and ends up getting slingshot into the buckle. Steamboat goes top rope but Roberts puts his knees up and Steamboat is hurt. Both men go for their lizard bags. Finally, Roberts changes his mind and attacks Steamboat, stopping him. He hits a quick shot to Steamboat’s gut off a whip, then hits a Short Arm Clothesline. Two count. He slams Steamboat and gets two but Steamboat fights back. Roberts hits a nice uppercut and Steamboat goes down. Two count. Roberts hits a Reverse Atomic Drop and then goes for an Irish Whip but Steamboat gets a pin with a nice Crucifix.
WINNER: Ricky Steamboat via Crucifix
RATING: ***. Not bad at all. These two hadn’t hit their prime but you could see greatness.

Post-match, Roberts attacks Steamboat, then goes and gets Damien. Steamboat gets his Dragon and the two men run at each other with their, uh…lizards. Roberts retreats and Steamboat celebrates, whirling his weird baby alligator around.

Mean Gene has Hulk Hogan backstage. He was charged up by the Hulkamaniacs but warns Piper to stay out of his kingdom.

EARLIER TONIGHT: Slick and Iron Sheik arrived at the arena in a limo. Slick says his wrestlers should be happy and they’re ready for Piper tonight.

The Sheik is gonna wrestle Pedro Morales — but here comes Piper with his crutch. He tells Morales to leave. Morales argues and Piper brandishes the crutch. Pedro puts his hands up and just says, “Ok, ok…” It’s on.

MATCH #3: The Iron Sheik (w/ Slick) vs. “Rowdy” Roddy Piper
The two men grapple and kick and Piper rolls Sheik up for three.
WINNER: Roddy Piper via small package
RATING: DUD. But I still dig Piper.

Mean Gene has Johnny V and the Dream Team backstage. V’s angry and says there’s a conspiracy against his guys.

After a break, Gene has Piper. Piper says he likes being called insane. He says that he won’t stand around while Adonis causes him trouble.

On the flip side, Dynamite Kid says that the Dream Team’s gonna get the beating of their lives.

MATCH #4: The Dream Team (Brutus Beefcake & Greg “The Hammer” Valentine) (challengers) (w/ Johnny V) vs. The British Bulldogs (Davey Boy Smith & Dynamite Kid) (champions) in a 2-out-of-3 Falls Match for the WWF Tag Team Championship

FIRST FALL
Kid and Hammer start out. A headbutt takes Hammer down but he gets up and beats Kid into the corner. Tag to Beefcake and he hits a suplex. Kid rolls over and tags Smith who clubs at Beefcake and hits an armbar. Beefcake counters with a slam and tags Hammer who hits a nice elbow to Smith’s head from the buckle. Two count. Smith hits some punches but Hammer tags Beefcake who knees Smith in the head. Two count. Smith gets to Dynamite and he’s all over Hammer with punches and a big chop. He follows with some forearm shots but Hammer hits a Reverse Atomic Drop. Hammer hits a shoulderbreaker and clothesline. Two count. Quick tags in and out by the heels but Kid hits a nice forearm. Hammer comes back, drops Kid to the mat and it’s the Figure Four. Kid submits.
WINNERS OF THE FIRST FALL: Beefcake and Valentine

The heels attack shortly after this and are named the winners and we go to Mean Gene who tells us that Adonis is not in great shape after Piper hit him with a crutch.

SECOND FALL
Hammer is working on Kid’s leg. He kicks out and Hammer tags Beefcake who stomps at Kid and knocsk Smith down outside. Tag to Hammer and he continues working on Kid’s weak knee. Another tag to Beefcake and he works on the knee as well. Beefcake attacks Smith and that allows Kid to get double-teamed. Beefcake hits a backbreaker and gets two, then tags Hammer who drops a big elbow. He slams Kid, then goes to the second rope but misses a big elbow. Smith gets the hot tag and its a clothesline for Hammer and dropkick for Beefcake. Smith hits a suplex and gets a two-count. Smith hits a powerslam but Beefcake interferes. Kid gets a tag and hits a nice Flying Headbutt for the next fall.
WINNERS OF THE SECOND FALL: The British Bulldogs

THIRD FALL
Ventura’s pissed about the 2 out of 3 rule even though he had to know that was the case when he first looked at the card. Kid hits chops on Valentine and a nice snap suplex. He misses a headbutt and Hammer winds up a big Hammer Elbow. Two count. Ventura reports, at this point, that Adonis has a shattered elbow. Another Smith distraction and another Kid Double Team by Hammer and Beefcake. Two count. Hamme works the leg again and goes for a Figure Four. Kid kicks out and tags Smith but Beefcake quickly swarms Smith, hitting a nice back bodydrop. Two count. Clothesline by Beefcake and a two count. Beefcake chokes at Smith and drops a headbutt into his crotch. Two count. Beefcake tries another Body Drop but Smith counters with a Sunset Flip and NEARLY gets a fall. Another distraction-to-double-team spot and Hammer rakes Smith’s eyes with the ref’s back turned. Hammer hits a nice stalled vertical suplex. Two count. Tag to Beefcake and it’s a High Running Knee. Two count as Kid breaks the pin. It’s a Pier Six until Beefcake misses a knee in the corner and Smith hits a Fisherman’s Suplex for the win.
WINNERS AND STILL CHAMPIONS: The British Bulldogs

The Dream Team isn’t happy and tries to attack the Bulldogs who bail from the ring.

Mean Gene interviews The Wizard who’s really reluctant to give him any information about Kamala which is ironic since Kamala wasn’t at all complicated.

MATCH #5: Leapin’ Lanny Poffo vs. Kamala (w/ The Wizard & Kim-Chee)
A bit of back and forth but Kamala corners Poffo and chops at him. He hits a couple quick back-kicks, then picks Poffo up by his neck and throws him to the mat. Poffo avoids a clothesline and attacks but Kamala takes over again. Kamala slams him and hits a big splash for the win.
WINNER: Kamala via Big Splash
RATING: DUD. 

Post-match, Kamala won’t get off of Poffo and, when he finally does, goes to the top rope for a splash. Wizard and Kim Chee talk him down.

Vince and Ventura recap what they saw today. Ventura’s all for the heels, so that’s cool. They bid us farewell.

OVERALL: ***. A good show with a good card. The match of the event was Bulldogs/Dream Team. Incredibly well-wrestled.

Er, that’s it…

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