Here we go…
I’ve got one more after this. I figure if I can finish this one and do XXVII on Sunday BEFORE Wrestlemania 28, then all is well and I will have finished my project. (If you keep seeing bi-polar reporting, it’s because I wrote these two years ago and, at the time, I was trying to write 27 of these in 3 weeks. I BARELY finished before the airing of WM 28. I never wrote #29 so that’s gonna be brand-new when you read it. We now return you to your regularly-scheduled whining.)
So, last time we left Wrestlemania, we had World Heavyweight Champion John Cena and WWE Champion, Triple H.
That, of course, wasn’t going to be the case here:
- In 2009, Edge was done with the World Heavyweight title and formed a tag team with Chris Jericho. They won the Unified Tag Team title together…but had to drop the belts when Edge was injured. Edge returned at the Royal Rumble, which he won. Edge had a decision to make, go after The Undertaker for the title or take on his former partner, Chris Jericho, who had taken credit for his former tag team’s success. That decision was made easy when Jericho won the Elimination Chamber match AND the World Heavyweight Championship in February. Jericho would defend against Edge.
- Cena and Batista had it out for each other the moment Cena would defend Bret Hart against Vince McMahon. As soon as Cena won the WWE at Elimination Chamber, McMahon came out and ordered that Cena defend the title right there against Batista. Cena, exhausted, did so and lost. Cena asked for a rematch, which McMahon granted – as long as Cena won his match against Batista that night. He not only won, he won by DQ – on purpose. Batista kicked him in the balls because he WANTED Cena to fight him at Wrestlemania.
- Shawn Michaels, bitter over his loss to the Undertaker, challenged the Undertaker to a rematch – the Undertaker declined, saying that he already beat Michaels. Michaels became more and more unhinged and started to attack referees and GM’s and other wrestlers. It all came to a head at Elimination Chamber when Michaels cost The Undertaker the title by hitting Sweet Chin Music. The very next night, The Undertaker accepted the challenge…but one condition: if Michaels lost the match, he would retire. Michaels accepted, saying that if he couldn’t beat The Undertaker and end The Streak, there would be no point in continuing his career. The match would be a no-DQ, no countout match.
- We would get another Money in the Bank match.
- Bret Hart came back to the WWE and patched things up with Vince McMahon…but McMahon kicked him the crotch and left the ring. Furthermore, Hart refused to induct Bret Hart’s father, Stu, into the WWE Hall of Fame. Next Monday, John Cena demanded that McMahon take on Hart at Wrestlemania. McMahon accepted, then revoked it once Hart attacked him. Since he was unable to get a match, Hart went on the air and said goodbye to his fans…but was later hit by a car that night, causing his limo’s door to hit and break his leg. The following Monday, instead of accepting Hart’s resignation, Vince said he was now in for a match. Hart was reluctant and told Vince he had a broken leg. Vince attacked Hart and kicked his crutches out from under him. At the ensuing contract signing, Hart said he would do this as long as it was No Holds Barred. Vince agreed and signed the contract…at that point, Hart finished his con: the match was set…but Hart wasn’t really injured. Him and Cena set up the car crash so that Vince would legally set up the match. Vince threatened to back out but Hart retaliated: it was legally binding. If he backed out, Hart would sue Vince for everything he had.
- ShoMiz (Big Show and The Miz) would defend their Tag Team titles against John Morrison and R-Truth.
- Randy Orton lead a new team called “The Legacy” which consisted of Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase Jr. but got sick of them constantly screwing things up. A Triple Threat Match was scheduled between the three of them.
I think that about covers it.
We got one more after this…
American Idol’s “Fantasia” sings America, the Beautiful and we get a jet flyover…
It’s video package time! Not too bad this time around.
Main Titles…and we are LIVE from University of Phoenix Stadium in Phoenix, Arizona!!!
Your announcers have been whittled down to Jerry “The King” Lawler, Michael Cole, and Matt Striker.
Your Spanish announcers are Hugo Savinovich and Carlos Cabrera.
MATCH #1: R-Truth & John Morrison (challengers) vs. ShoMiz (The Big Show & The Miz) (champions) for the WWE Unified Tag Team Championship
I’m so glad they stopped R-Truth from rapping. It’s ridiculous hearing him do it. (I’m also glad he’s in D-Leagues now, too. He’s like a dime-store Booker T.) Morrison’s entrance, I can watch all day. He has been the most misused wrestler. And I think it’s mostly because of injury. Miz was really pushed quickly. In one year, he was half of the tag team champs, the U.S. Champ, and the WWE Champ. I don’t know if it was because he had no in-ring tact or the crowds couldn’t stand him but he just didn’t get much after he lost the title. Anyhow, the match sees some good intro action with Morrison really showing off just how quick he was. He tries for Starship Pain, which he never, EVER seems to hit, and this is no different. R-Truth is outside. Miz for the Skull Crushing Finale but Morrison counters and gets a two-count. Miz to the ropes, tags Show and boots Morrison in the face. Morrison tries to springboard, but fuck that, Show hits him in the face (You mean he didn’t have to get Steph’s permission?) and covers him. Gee. That was short.
WINNERS AND STILL CHAMPIONS: ShowMiz via KO
GRADE: D+ to start. This isn’t good.
Post-match, ShoMiz celebrates.
Then we get the obligatory WWE Axxess billshit.
MATCH #2: Ted DiBiase vs. Cody Rhodes vs. Randy Orton in a Triple Threat Match
DiBiase and Rhodes. Oh goodie. Rhodes is on to better storylines and so is Orton…but, WOW, DiBiase is horribly underused and should be higher on the card. Orton out next. In reality, Orton should have squashed these guys but it turns into a fight with the two new guys beating Orton without mercy. The two men chase Randy into a corner and just continue to punch and stomp him. Orton FINALLY fights back and takes both men on. There’s so much double-teaming on Orton, I have NO idea why this wasn’t a Handicap Match. DiBiase hits a clothesline/chop block combo before Rhodes hits a kneedrop. Cover. Two. Rhodes tosses DiBiase from the ring. Rhodes goes and hits his move but DiBiase breaks it up. DiBiase and Rhodes fight. FINALLY, we get intensity. They brawl outside the ring. Then inside. Then Orton gets up. Oh shit. Orton dumps Ted and clotheslines the living shit out of Rhodes. Powerslam on both men. Ted rolls out. Orton hits the inverted backbreaker on Rhodes. He charges for the RKO but Ted pulls him out. Rhodes goes to splash Orton but takes out DiBiase. Orton gets inside the ring and Ted makes his way in as well. Rhodes goes in as well and Orton hits a Double DDT on both. Ted out of the ring. Orton charges for the RKO…but then stops. Ruh roh. Orton has that look in his eyes…he goes back for the Punt Kick and hits it. DiBiase sneaks in and hits The Dream Street…but Orton counters with the RKO. Pin.
WINNER: Orton via RKO
GRADE: C-…boy…this next match better be good.
Post-match, Orton celebrates.
We get a “Don’t Try This At Home” ad.
We get a spot for the “epic” Diva tag match. 2010 was a year that would live in infamy as the year that the Divas and most of the women got fucking shrill and annoying. Vickie’s “excuse me” LayCool and their stupid yacking, the singing stupid idiot Diva…oh, then it turns into a bizarre Slim Jim commercial with Santino Marrella snapping into a Slim Jim, making Mae Young appear and make out with Santino. Oh…and then she turns into Mean Gene in a dress. People make fun of Randy Savage’s commercials. This makes those look like Apple’s 1984 commercial in comparison.
MATCH #3: Jack Swagger, Kane, Matt Hardy, Evan Bourne, Christian, Kofi Kingston, Drew McIntyre, Dolph Ziggler, Shelton Benjamin, and M.V.P. in a Money in the Bank Match
These things wear me out. All the guys go at it here. Finally, the ring is cleared. A ladder is set up. Matt Hardy hits a Twist of Fate on somebody. He hands those out like candy. Then all the opponents fight over climbing the ladder. Bourne gets to the top but Kane chokeslams his goofy ass. Kofi takes out the ladder with Swagger and Hardy on it. Christian goes after Hardy and throws him into Swagger. Christian is quickly up and DOLPH ZIGGLER LEAPS UP IN THE AIR, GRABS CHRISTIAN AND COMES DOWN WITH HIM!!! Yikes! MVP yanks Ziggler but HE gets taken out by Kane. Then four guys ram Kane with a ladder. Kofi tries to run on the ladder that’s been bridged to Kane…he blows this and nearly takes out his foot but still hits his move. After some hell breaks loose, Shelton Benjamin sets up to climb…but Swagger takes him out with a ladder. Bourne in and leaps off the top ropes, kicking Swagger in the head, knocking him down. Bourne up but Swagger knocks him loose. Hardy and Christian grab ladders and the two squish Swagger between the ladders. Christian and Hardy climb. Two ladders are set up like bridges to the main one. Hardy falls through one. Christian falls off another. Bourne hits Airbourne and goes back up to the ladder. He gets to the case but Hardy stops him. Hardy knocks Bourne off. He’s way out. Swagger tries to stop Hardy and he does by flipping him over the other side of the ladder on to the other ladder-bridge. MVP climbs the ladder but Benji stops him. Benji climbs but MVP tries for the powerbomb and ends up knocking himself anf Benji out. Kane clocks the two men and goes to climb the ladder! Ziggler climbs on, up and OVER Kane and gets to the case. Kane stares and just shoves the ladder, sending him flying away. He tosses the ladder at Ziggler but Ziggler ducks and the ladder NEARLY goes flying into the crowd. Stupid thing to do, Kane. Another ladder is in the ring…AND KANE CHOKESLAMS HIM ON THE LADDER!!! The ladder gets torn in half. Kofi…uses the ladder as a pair of STILTS. Holy shit. Then he climbs his stilt ladder but McIntrye stops him and tosses him away. Drew grabs the ladder and goes climbing. The crowd hates this. Hardy gets to him and the two fight. Hardy spills off the ladder. Hardy shoves the ladder and falls, nuts first, off the ladder and onto the ropes. Hardy climbs and here comes Kane. Hardy kicks him away. Christian in now. Hardy has it and unhooks but Christian stops him with Kane holding Christians ladder for him. All three men fight for the case. Both men fight Kane off. He falls. Christian and Hardy fight on the ladder. Hardy hits THE TWIST OF FATE OFF THE TOP OF THE LADDER!!! Christian, however, gets to his feet in, like, four seconds and climbs. Swagger stops him by knocking over one ladder but Christian leaps to another ladder! Swagger goes up to fight him and knocks Christian down. Swagger grabs at the case and takes fucking ten years to unhook it and, suspiciously, no wrestler had the energy to stop him. At this point, the match just goes down a grade.
WINNER: Jack Swagger
GRADE: C+ again. Blown spots, nobody exciting, and Christian Hogan-level no-selling a GIGANTIC FINISHING MOVE OFF THE LADDER? Please.
- Shelton Benjamin was released in 2010 after going back to ECW. He wrestled independently and with Ring of Honor for the next couple of years before wrestling in Japan.
- Matt Hardy was released in 2010. It was revealed that he had been suspended before this. He spent the rest of the next year with TNA before going into semi-retirement, making independent appearances. His suspension and firing from TNA was a result of numerous arrests from drug possession and distribution as well as constant drunkenness. He would go on to wrestle independently as well as with Ring of Honor and OMEGA Championship Wrestling.
- Hassan Assad, AKA “M.V.P.”, was released from the WWE in 2010. He wrestled in Japan until 2013 and currently works for TNA.
Promo for Extreme Rules.
WWE Hall of Fame 2010 promo.
Howard Finkel brings in the Class of 2010:
- Stu Hart (The Hart Family representing)
- Wendi Richter
- Mad Dog Vachon, father of Luna
- Antonio Inoki
- Bob Uecker
- Gorgeous George (his ex-wife is representing…lol)
- The Million Dollar Man – Ted DiBiase
We get the lead-up promo for Triple H/Sheamus.
MATCH #4: Triple H vs. Sheamus
PLEASE let this be good. This Wrestlemania sucks. Sheamus out first. HHH is out second. HHH’s entrance takes fooooooreeeeeveeeer. Seriously, dude. Just go out there and wrestle. Sheamus shoves HHH after a lock-up. Then he yells. HHH reverses a lock-up and slaps the shit out of him. Sheamus charges but HHH just attacks. Pedigree by HHH but Sheamus gets out of it before HHH can hit it. HHH slams Sheamus, does a crotch-chop and then hits a knee drop. Sheamus outside but HHH follows and rams his head into the crowd barrier. Back in the ring now, HHH hits a Chop Block. HHH hits the Figure Four. Sheamus gets out of it by getting to the ropes and HHH follows him. Sheamus takes HHH and throws him into the steel steps. He picks up HHH and elbows him in the face. HHH hits Sheamus in the throat then hits a HUGE backbreaker. Sheamus up and hits the Irish Curse Backbreaker. Sheamus picks up HHH and starts kneeing HHH in the face. Sheamus stomps a mudhole in HHH and the crowd boos. There is a small batch of fans holding up the Irish flag. HHH and Sheamus trade punches before Sheamus hits a forearm/clotheline thing. Sheamus follows up with some elbow shots and nearly gets a fall. Sheamus picks up HHH and hits a HUGE powerslam. Two-count. Sheamus with a great armlock. He switches to a Sleeper and HHH falls to a knee. Suddenly, HHH no-sells, counters and hits a back suplex. Sheamus goes after HHH in the corner but gets kicked twice. He tries to pick HHH up but HHH counters and hits a HUGE DDT. The two trade punches. Sheamus into the ropes, HHH kneels and Sheamus kicks him. Counter knee lift by HHH and a Facebuster off the ropes. Pedigree! But Sheamus counters and tries a leg lock but HHH counters and pushes him into a turnbuckle. HHH hits a reverse neckbreaker and gets a two-count. HHH props up Sheamus on the ropes. Sheamus worms his way out of the turnbuckle hold and tries for the Celtic Cross! He misses it! Pedigree! No! Counter! BROGUE KICK OUT OF NOWHERE BY SHEAMUS!!! 1…2…NO!!! Kick-out! Wow! Sheamus gets up and tries for a piledriver but HHH counters and hits a Spinebuster…1…2…NO! Kick-out! Both men tired. HHH gets up. Sheamus is outside. HHH, however, pulls him back in. Sheamus hits him and HITS THE BROGUE KICK FROM THE OUTSIDE!!! Sheamus crawls over…Sheamus picks up HHH…but HHH counters and hits the Pedigree! 1…2…3. It’s over.
WINNER: HHH via Pedigree
GRADE: I’m torn. Should be an A- but borders on B+…why? WOULD IT KILL TRIPLE H TO JOB TO A NEWCOMER??? I mean, CHRIST. All right, I’ll give it an A-, but come on. Sheamus should have been booked to win here.
Post-match, HHH celebrates.
Edge in a Slim Jim commercial with hyper kids pretending to be mini-ninjas. OOOOK.
Lead-up promo for Punk/Mysterio.
MATCH #5: CM Punk (w/ Luke Gallows & Serena) vs. Rey Mysterio (If Rey loses, he joins CM Punk’s “straight-edge” Society)
Punk yacks on the mic, as he comes to the ring, about how he’s gonna beat Rey and swallow him up and blah, blah, blah…and, Christ…it’s WRESTLEMANIA. SHUT UP AND WRESTLE. Why do some wrestlers insist on talking after ALL the talking they did beforehand? That’s what RAW is for. Rey’s music hits…but…there’s no Mysterio…FINALLY, he appears. Punk goes after Mysterio after initial brawling but Mysterio trips him and sends him into the turnbuckle. Rey in the Tree of Woe and Punk tries a Baseball Slider into his head but misses and goes nuts-first, into the ring post. Outside, Rey goes for a dropkick but Punk catches him and whacks him on the steel steps. Rey gets into the ring just before the ten-count and Punk punches him, roaring. He gets a one-count. Sleeper now on Rey. Some reversals after this and Rey hits a seated Senton Bomb! He goes for a springboard but Punk catches and POWERSLAMS HIM! 2-count! Rey off the ropes, kicks Punk. Punk tries a Sunset flip but Rey is out of it. I can’t keep up. These two reverse everything! Enzuguri by Punk! Two-count! Another two-count…and another…another cover…and ANOTHER cover…yeah, try it eight more times. Maybe it’ll work. Rey! WOW! He gets up, still holding Punk’s hands! He jumps on the ropes and FLIPS, twisting Punk’s arm! Nice move! He sets up for the 619! Punk catches him. GTS! No! Counter! Rey under the legs and kicks! Rey with a splash attempt! GTS! Rey counters again and kicks Punk! Rey to the top rope! Frog Splash misses!!! Two-count by Punk!!! Punk in the corner, charges and hits a flying knee…bulldog but Rey out of it! Punk kicks Rey and goes for a powerbomb! Arm drag counter by Rey! 619…no, Serena stops Rey by holding onto Punk’s head! Gallows on the other side! Rey runs into him! Punk gets up, goes for the GTS!!! He hits–NO!!! In mid-air, REY HITS A HURRICARANA ON PUNK, SENDING HIM FLYING TOWARD GALLOWS AND SETTING UP THE 619!!! Wow!!! 619! SPLASH! Rey WINS!!!
WINNER: Rey via 619
GRADE: A+ match all the way. THAT is how you book a short match and make it satisfying. Beautifully done.
Post-match, Rey celebrates.
- Drew Hankinson, AKA “Luke Gallows”, would leave the WWE shortly after he turned against CM Punk later in the year. He now wrestles independently.
- Serena Deeb was released from the WWE for not living out the storyline “straight-edge” lifestyle in real-life. She now wrestles independently.
The Hart/McMahon lead-up.
MATCH #6: Vince McMahon vs. Bret “The Hitman” Hart in a No Holds Barred Match
Bret is out first but is wearing a black t-shirt, jean shorts and tennis shoes. Cole talks about the “Montreal Screwjob” and how this may be the whole thing coming to a head. Here comes Vince McMahon. And he has a mic. Oh, this should be good. Vince says to look at Bret. He’s in HIS ring and HIS creation, Wrestlemania. Vince says Bret deserves a Wrestlemania-sized screwing. He says he bought a whole bunch of lumberjacks and one is the guest referee. He says that “Bret screwed Bret and Vince screwed Bret.” He says that Vince and his entire family screwed Bret. Out comes a bunch of Hart’s family members. Natalya is here along with the other two Harts and the entire Hart family. The entire family goes around the ring. Then Bruce Hart steps in the ring and he’s the referee. He hugs Vince. The crowd sounds unbelievably silent right now. Bret gets on the mic and asks Bruce if he agreed to this. Bret says “What’s done is done.” He says all the Hart family got their money. He says there’s one thing he’s learned from Montreal – there’s nothing like a good double cross…the Harts told Bret what Vince would try…this is gonna be the night Bret screwed Vince. The Harts turn on Vince. Hart punches Vince and runs his face along the ropes. Hart beats on him some more. The entire Hart family kicks McMahon’s ass in this match. Then a crowbar is involved…then Hart sits in a chair and watches Vince crawl around…fuck it. Bret wins. I’m not sitting through another Michaels/McMahon-style squash.
WINNER: Hart via Sharpshooter
GRADE: F+. Who cares? This could have been settled on RAW. This match was 11 fucking minutes. 11. That’s nearly as long as the MITB match. The crowd was dead almost the entire time and Hart didn’t do a damn thing because his body is so fucked up.
- David Hart Smith would leave the WWE in 2011. He currently wrestles in Japan.
During the match, Matt Striker, who just continues to sound like a fucking idiot, says, “A crowbar! That’s not allowed!” Cole mumbles, “It’s a no-holds-barred match, Matt…” That was pretty amusing.
Then, Cole, trying to grandstand after the match, says, “After thirteen years…Bret Hart…spits in the face…of Montreal.” I just have no words for this. You mean, “Vince McMahon”, right, Cole?
Post-match, Bret celebrates.
We get a teaser for Wrestlemania XXVII in Atlanta, Georgia.
72,219 people are at Wrestlemania tonight, according to the ring announcer.
Build-up promo for Edge/Jericho. One word: spear.
MATCH #7: Chris Jericho (champion) vs. Edge (challenger) for the World Heavyweight Championship
Jericho out first. Edge out second. For Edge’s entrance, the video screen module above is lowered to the ring with Edge’s name on it…as Edge is in the ring, the module launches away like a space pod. Neat. The match starts with some back and forth stuff until Edge tries a Spear. Jericho runs. Edge chases. Some fighting outside and we go back inside. Jericho grabs his legs and slingshots the throat into the throat. Two count. Cobra Clutch by Jericho but Edge escapes and Jericho slams him down and kicks him. He slaps Edge in the head. Jericho into the ropes and a nice spinning kick by Edge. Jericho into the ropes and he counters by front suplexing Edge into the ropes. Jericho off the turnbuckle but he leaps off to the outside mat. Edge rams him out of the ring then flies at him. Back in the ring, the two battle on the turnbuckle…Jericho tries a Superplex but Edge converts into a backslam! Two-count! Jericho in the corner. Edge with a baseball slide! Misses…Lateral press and a two-count! Walls of Jericho but Edge counters and goes off the turnbuckle for a sunset flip! Two! Reversal! Two! Jericho goes for a Codebreaker but Edge throws Jericho off him and into the turnbuckle! Edge sets up for the Spear and it’s countered into the Walls of Jericho!!! Edge reverses into a small package!!! Two-count! Lionsault!!! Reversal and Jericho is slammed into the mat!!! Two-count!!! Enzugrui by Jericho! Two-count! Edge in the turnbuckle! Jericho tries a run off the ropes! Edge counters into a DDT!!! Two-count!!! Jericho and Edge up! Jericho kicks Edge in the corner! Jericho off the ropes and punches the back of Edge’s head! Jericho sets up for the SPEAR!!! Edge is up…Jericho goes for it AND EDGE KICKS JERICHO IN THE HEAD!!! EDGE sets up for the Spear…he runs…JERICHO HITS THE CODEBREAKER!!! 1…2…3KICKOUT!!! Another cover! Two-count!!! Edge up but Jericho kicks the knee. Jericho stomps on Edge’s injured knee…another stomp…another stomp but Edge counters and punches…but Jericho hits another Walls of Jericho…Edge screams and tries for the ropes…but Jericho drags him into the center of the ring…Jericho converts to a Half Crab!!! Edge in pain, reaches for the ropes…and gets there!!! Jericho lets go and pulls Edge from the ropes…he tries again but EDGE COUNTERS TO A ROLL-UP!!! TWO-COUNT!!! Jericho goes outside and grabs his belt. Edge after him! Edge goes to punch Jericho and accidentally knocks the ref out…then Jericho uses the belt and hits Edge with the belt!!! Cover…1…2…NO. Jericho is up and tells Edge to get up. Edge is up and Jericho hits the Codebreaker! Pin and Jericho wins it!!!
WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: Jericho via Codebreaker
GRADE: A- match.
Post-match, Jericho celebrates and then tries to attack Edge’s leg but Edge reverses and kicks him. He brings Jericho outside and puts him on the announce table…Edge looks pissed…AND SPEARS JERICHO OFF THE TABLE AND INTO THE CROWD BARRICADES!!!
Good half of the main event…
- Jericho would leave the WWE in 2010 and return in 2012.
Yoshi Tatsu actually won at Wrestlemania in a Dark Match.
MATCH #8: WWE Women’s Champion Michelle McCool, Layla, WWE Divas Champion, Maryse, Alicia Fox, and Vickie Guerrero vs. Beth Phoenix, Kelly Kelly, Mickie James, Gail Kim, and Eve Torres
And we’re back to mediocrity. The match is complete bullshit and is a quick piece of trash where everyone hits a finisher and Vickie hits a terrible splash. Then she botches the pin. REPEAT: SHE BOTCHES A PIN. Who does that??? IT’S A PIN, NOT A MOVE!!! Anyway, she does end up pinning. We’re done here.
WINNER: Vickie’s team
- Maryse went through two small storylines but was released in 2011.
- Mickie James left in 2010, after Wrestlemania. She currently splits her time between TNA and Independent wrestling.
- Gail Kim left in 2010, after Wrestlemania, stating she wasn’t happy with her contract or time. She now wrestles with TNA.
The less Divas, the better.
Audioslave’s “Be Yourself” is, yet, ANOTHER theme song for Wrestlemania 26. Audioslave isn’t even around anymore, but rock out with your cock out.
Lead-up promo for Cena/Batista.
MATCH #9: Batista (champion) vs. John Cena (challenger) for the WWE Championship
Batista out first. I cannot believe he wrestled this long. Cena, of course, gets a full-on Navy guard doing a gun salute because, you know, he flew three tours over North Vietnam and all. And out comes Cena to the cheers and boos we’re so used to. This was the beginning of what Rock calls “The Fruity Pebbles” era, with the bright clothing. I think he started with orange, went to purple and then red shirts. The fight starts with some back-and-forth stuff, then Batista backs Cena into the corner and starts to punch and stomp him. Batista tries a suplex but Cena reverses it. Cena whips Batista in the corner. Bulldog by Cena and two-count. Cena tries for the AA early but Batista counters with a DDT! But a two-count! The match becomes a brawl as the two go back and forth. Batista applies a hold and body drops Batista. Cena with his clotheslines and Cena Bomb. Five-Knuckle Shuffle. U Can’t See Me…and SPINEBUSTER BY BATISTA!!! The crowd is on fire from that!!! (Only because they hated Cena.) He goes for a move but Cena counters with the STF!!! Batista makes the ropes and Cena lets go. Batista with a Spear and two-count. Batista puts Cena up for the Superplex but Cena powers out of it. Test of strength because we’re back in the 80’s. Cena headbutts and Batista falls to the mat. Cena goes off the ropes…and hits a Five-Knuckle Shuffle!!! AA but Batista out of it…REVERSED AND BATISTA BOMB!!! 1…2…3NO!!! Batista in shock. Cena crawls to Batista and Batista looks down. Batista Bomb but a reversal into AA!!! Another reversal and Cena reverses into the AA!!! 1…2…3NOOO!!! ANOTHER KICK-OUT!!! Cena outside…leaps off the ropes…BATISTA CATCHES CENA AND HITS THE BATISTA BOMB!!! Here comes ANOTHER…REVERSAL BY CENA AND INTO THE STF!!! Batista taps!!!
WINNER AND NEW CHAMPION: John Cena via STF
GRADE: B+ match only because I don’t think Cena knows anything except for five moves. Anyhow, he’s the new champ.
Post-match, he celebrates.
- Batista left the WWE after Wrestlemania because of differences with where the company was headed. Batista was very critical of other wrestlers, especially on Smackdown, where he said they lacked drive. He went on to film a few movies (including 2014’s “Guardians of the Galaxy”) and returned to the WWE in 2014.
Extreme Rules promo.
Back in Phoenix, we get ready for Undertaker/Shawn Michaels…and we run the promo package.
MATCH #10: Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker in a Career vs. Streak Match
It’s not Michaels’ entrance from last year but still great. Gong…here comes the Undertaker. It’s on…The Undertaker rises up through the stage. He has his usual entrance…the two stare each other down. Undertaker does a thumb across the throat, pissing the Taker off. The two exchange shots and Michaels hits Flair Chops. Taker hits Snake Eyes and a HUGE boot to the face. Splash in the corner. Arm Twist and Old School but Michaels struggles. He shoulderblocks, then goes for Old School again. He lands funny but has problems upon landing. Chokeslam but Undertaker tweaks his knee and can’t finish. He goes for a Tombstone but Michaels counters and locks his arm. Headlock but Taker with a choke. Michaels breaks it. Arm twist and Taker pulls at his arm. He tries Sweet Chin Music but Taker gets away just in time! He tries to take out the injured knee and then kicks at it. Michaels stomps in the corner. Finally, Taker turns things over. He punches and clotheslines Michaels and takes him out of the ring. Undertaker goes for the Swan Dive but Michaels gets back in the ring and spears his knee! Michaels starts working on the knee and tries for a Figure Four but Undertaker counters and kicks Taker out of the ring. Taker follows and rams Michaels into the ring post. Undertaker sets up Michaels off the mat for the Guillotine Leg Drop and he hits it but it hurts The Undertaker! Michaels back in and Michaels knocks him down, going for a Figure Four! Undertaker turns it over and Michaels breaks the hold. The two trade blows. Michaels into the ropes and a Flying Forearm by Michaels! He flips up! Taker already up and a CHOKESLAM!!! 1…2…NO!!! Taker tries for a Tombstone but Michaels counters into an Ankle Lock!!! He falls and hyperextends Undertaker’s knee…Undertaker punches out of it. Taker’s knee is damaged and Michaels clotheslines ‘Taker out of the ring. Michaels hits a Moonsault but Undertaker catches him and goes for the Tombstone and HITS IT!!! Undertaker brings Michaels in and goes for a cover but only gets two. Michaels up and Taker kicks him, going for the Last Ride but Michaels grabs Undertaker’s head and Bulldogs Undertaker as he comes down!!! Michaels to the top rope…FLYING ELBOW…but Undertaker puts the knees up and Michaels lands on them!!! OUT OF NOWHERE, UNDERTAKER LOCKS IN HELL’S GATE!!! BUT MICHAELS COUNTERS TO A FISHERMAN’S PIN!!! 1…2…KICKOUT!!! Michaels up and Taker up AND SWEET CHIN MUSIC OUT OF NOWHERE!!! 1….2…3KICKOUT!!! Michaels tunes up SMC again…Taker tries getting up…he tries again and Taker blocks it goes for the Last Ride!!! THIS TIME, HE HITS IT!!! 1…2…3…NO! KICK-OUT!!! Taker tosses Michaels outside and follows him. Taker starts to dismantle the announce table. Jerry Lawler has already accepted its demise: “Well…there goes our announce table…” Undertaker goes for the Last Ride but Michaels hits SWEET CHIN MUSIC INSTEAD!!! Undertaker is on the announce table…Michaels gets to the turnbuckle…he goes to the top rope…MOONSAULT!!! He landed right on Undertaker’s knee…Michaels pushes Taker back into the ring…Michaels gets to this feet and charges AND HITS SWEET CHIN MUSIC…1…2…3NO! UNDERTAKER KICKS OUT OF TWO OF THEM!!! The crowd chants “THIS IS AWESOME”. ANOTHER attempt at Sweet Chin Music but TAKER CATCHES AND HITS THE CHOKESLAM!!! Undertaker pulls himself up. He picks up Michaels…AND HITS THE TOMBSTONE!!! 1…2…3KICKOUT!!! MICHAELS KICKS OUT!! Taker catches his breath. He wobbles over and looks at Michaels. Taker with the thumb on the throat…but stops himself. Then he shrugs. Taker says “STAY DOWN!” Michaels pulls himself up. Shades of Michaels/Flair now. Michaels with the thumb on the throat in defiance…then slaps the Undertaker in the face, turning Undertaker into HULKTAKER. He picks Michaels up and hits a Tombstone so hard, my TV shakes and Michaels is one!
WINNER: The Undertaker via Tombstone
GRADE: A+ MATCH!!! That was worth every penny, folks. Undertaker is 18-0 at this point.
Post-match, both men are down. Taker salutes as he usually does. MASSIVE pyro goes off and we see “18-0” on the Jumbotron!!! The stadium erupts with pyro!!! Undertaker looks down at Michaels and helps him up. He says he’s sorry and shakes Michaels’ hand, hugging him. Taker leaves the ring and Michaels looks around as everyone chants “HBK” and cheers for him. He blows kisses and salutes the crowd. He falls to his knees, then leaves the ring and mingles with the fans in the aisle. The crowd cheers one more time. He gets to the entrance and falls to his knees.
- Michaels still works for the WWE. He does sporadic ring work but is mostly a goodwill ambassador for the company. He has his own hunting show on the Outdoor Network.
Mixed feelings. I’d give it a B+. There were some really crap matches but all the big stuff made up for it. (Yep. Still the same. The “big” matches saved it and another Undertaker/Michaels classic clinches the “B” grade.)
One more…gotta be quick…