Another year, another Wrestlemania…barring a catastrophic incident, I should be hitting Wrestlemania 28 tomorrow, full speed ahead…
(Breaks into song)
What’s playin’ at the Roxy? I’ll tell what’s playin’ at the Roxy…
- Hey! Guess who had the WWE Championship again because he just hadn’t been champion enough times??? TRIPLE H!!! Why? Because he had been drafted to RAW and he can’t be the biggest star without a belt! Also, the year before, he was drafted to Smackdown. And he won the belt there as well. So, Triple H was now seven-time champion. Randy Orton won the Royal Rumble and would stalk HHH. I don’t care about this storyline. I was just sick of seeing HHH have the belt. HHH would defend against Orton.
- Following Wrestlemania XXIV, The Undertaker was told to (storyline) vacate the title by then-GM Vickie Guerrero because his Hell’s Gate Submission move was deemed too dangerous. Edge would win it back in a TLC match. After that, the belt would change hands several times, finally ending up in the hands of John Cena at Survivor Series. Cena would defend the belt at No Way Out in February in an Elimination Chamber Match. John Cena wouldn’t get a shot at the title at Wrestlemania as she ran Smackdown with an iron fist, propping Edge up over everyone else. Guerrero, instead, would have Edge face The Big Show at Wrestlemania…until John Cena figured out that Vickie Guerrero, Edge’s storyline wife, was having an affair with The Big Show. The signing was cancelled and Guerrero, much to everyone’s shock, decided that Show would face Cena instead.
- Shawn Michaels would challenge The Undertaker’s undefeated streak at Wrestlemania, having beaten JBL and Vladimir Kozlov for the right to do so.
- There would be an Extreme Rules match between former tag partners and brothers, The Hardy Boys. Matt and Jeff would face off after Matt interfered in his World Heavyweight Championship match, costing Jeff the title.
- Finally, Chris Jericho, after attacking Piper, Steamboat, and Jimmy Snuka on three separate occasions, would challenge Ric Flair to a match. All this because he didn’t respect older wrestlers whose careers were in declined. Flair refused, saying that he would do it in a heartbeat but was honoring his retirement commitment. Instead, Flair said he would be ringside as Jericho took on Piper, Steamboat and Snuka in a Handicap Match.
I think that about does her.
We get a video package for the 25th Anniversary of Wrestlemania. Vince says he’s been asked what was the greatest Wrestlemania moment ever.
- Cena and Big show say Hulk/Andre at Wrestlemania III
- Jeff Hardy: Savage winning the title at Wrestlemania IV
- Edge: Hulk Hogan vs. Warrior at Wrestlemania VI
- Rey Mysterio/John Morrison: Shawn Michaels vs. Razor Ramon in the Ladder Match at WM X.
- CM Punk: Bret vs. Owen at Wrestlemania X
- Jericho: Every single Wrestlemania he’s been in
- M.V.P.: Rock vs. Hogan at Wrestlemania X-8
- Carlito: All of Stone Cold Steve Austin’s matches
- Edge: Shawn Michaels/Bret Hart in their Iron Match at Wrestlemania XII
- Michaels: His WM 12 match with Bret
All of the wrestlers talk about wanting to be involved in the matches they watched. Then they all go into character and say they will all win tonight.
Howard Finkel welcomes everyone to the 25th Anniversary of Wrestlemania.
Nicole Scherzinger is going to sing America, the Beautiful. She does an admirable job until the last note when she doesn’t hit it.
We are LIVE from Reliant Stadium in Houston, Texas!!!
Jim Ross, Jerry “The King” Lawler and Michael Cole are your announcers. Hugo Savinovich and Carlos Cabrera are your Spanish announcers.
MATCH #1: CM Punk, Kane, Mark Henry (w/ Tony Atlas), M.V.P., Shelton Benjamin, Kofi Kingston, Christian, and Finlay (w/ Hornswoggle) in a Money in the Bank Match
So, the MITB match had lots in store, as always. The first big move of the night goes to Benji for leaping off the top of the BFL and splashing six people. Henry tried to climb the the turnbuckle after that to no avail. Finlay stopped him. Hornswoggle goes to UR Home Depot and pulls a step ladder out. He uses it to climb Mark Henry and Hornswoggle splashes everyone outside. Finlay sets up the BFL but Kofi goes and kicks him into the corner. The ladder falls and hits him. Finlay uses the stepladder to fuck him up and then CM Punk interferes but gets taken out. Finlay uses the stepladder to take out Christian and Kane. Then he sets up the BFL…in fact, I don’t think there are any other kinds. He gets knocked off by Kofi who, then, gets knocked off by Mark Henry. Henry headbutts Kofi. Mark Henry lifts up the ladder but doesn’t set it up and KOFI LEAPS ON IT AND CLIMBS IT LIKE SPIDER-MAN WITH HENRY HOLDING IT UP! Henry lets it go and down goes Kofi. MVP comes in and stops Henry from climbing, stomping him down. Then Benji comes in and stops MVP. Benji gets hit the corner. MVP tries for a suplex but there are a shitload of reversals and Benji ends up down. MVP climbs but Punk is in hot pursuit and uses the legs to kick him down. Christian in and Punk kicks him away. Christian, however, punches at him. The two balance on a ladder that’s stretched across like a bridge between the ropes and the BFL. Punk and Christian fall. MVP climbs. Kane puts a ladder into the one that’s built like a bridge and Benji uses all of that to get to MVP. The two fight it out and Benji hits a HUGE powerbomb to the outside and MVP falls on Henry, Atlas, and Kane. Benji climbs but Finlay follows. He knocks Benji down. Now Benji and Christian have two ladders next to one another. Christian and Benji falls off one but Christian’s foot balances on the top rope whereas Benji hits the ground. Punk Spider-Man’s onto the ladder and goes after Christian. Kane finishes him off. Punk climbs and Kane after him. Punk kicks Kane down and Kane hits the mat. Punk gets the case to win.
WINNER: CM Punk
GRADE: C+ this year. This one wasn’t nearly as good as the last few.
- Tony Atlas would be from the WWE released in 2010.
- Confusingly, Finlay was fired from the WWE in 2010 for interrupting the National Anthem at a house show. No interruption was scheduled and it was being, legitimately, sung to National Guardsmen who were in attendance. Finlay would return to the WWE last year but only as a producer.
Post-match, Punk celebrates.
We get a shot of downtown Houston, Texas.
Wrestlemania is brought to us by Slim Jim…snap into a Slim Jim eat one because they’re really good.
A promo for WWE Axxess.
Out of fucking nowhere, Kid Rock. He’s here to perform because when you think of Wrestlemania history, you want a guy who nobody liked when he was popular. Could be worse. We could have had a Battle Royal made up of 25 women who can’t wrestle for shit.
MATCH #2: 25-Diva Battle Royal – Beth Phoenix, Melina, Alicia Fox, Brie Bella, Eve Torres, Gail Kim, Jackie Gayda-Haas, Jillian Hall, Joy Giovanni, Katie Lea Burchill, Kelly Kelly, Layla, Maria, Maryse, Michelle McCool, Mickie James, Molly Holly, Natalya, Nikki Bella, Rosa Mendes, Sunny, Tiffany, Torrie Wilson, and, Victoria
GRADE: The match is already F+, so you might as well show yourself. In comes the Diva Tiara. It’s “Santina”, Santino’s “twin sister”. What the fuck…so, if you’re keeping score at home, the 25th Anniversary started with a decent ladder match…then they introduced Kid Rock who performed shitty music and who introduced a Diva Battle Royal which sucked and was won by a male performer.
Post-match, “Santina” dances and thrusts hips.
- Melina would wrestle for a couple more years before leaving the WWE in 2011.
- Jackie Gayda’s appearance here was a one-time shot. She wrestles independently and is married to former WWE wrestler, Charlie Haas.
- Jillian Hall left the WWE in 2010. She wrestles independently and is married to wrestler, John Toland.
- Joy Giovanni left the WWE in 2005. This was a one-time appearance.
- Katarina Waters, AKA “Katie Lea Burchill” left the WWE in 2010 and currently wrestles with TNA.
- Maria Kanellis would leave the WWE in 2010. She, and her band, “The Seven Sins” perform and would release and album the same year. She will also be starring in the sequel to “Manos: The Hands of Fate” called, “Manos: The Search for Valley Lodge”…honestly, I cannot WAIT for that movie.
- Nora Greenwald, AKA “Molly Holly”, would leave the WWE following Wrestlemania. She works for various charity organizations, does real estate work and makes sporadic wrestling appearances.
- Tammy Lynn Sytch, AKA “Sunny”, had already left the WWE in 1998, worked with WCW and ECW (before they would fold) and made a one-time appearance here. She was inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame in 2011.
- Taryn Terrell, AKA “Tiffani”, was released from the WWE in 2010, following an accident incident with her real-life husband, Drew McIntyre. She did some work with Playboy following htis.
- Torrie Wilson made a one-time return to WWE for this match. She does not wrestle and has made several TV appearances.
- Lisa Marie Varon, AKA “Victoria”, left the WWE following Wreslemania. She currently works for TNA.
The lead-up promo for Jericho vs. Steamboat, Snuka and Piper. Mickey Rourke was gonna involve himself in it but he probably read what I just told you in advance.
MATCH #3: Chris Jericho vs. Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat, “Superfly” Jimmy Snuka, and “Rowdy” Roddy Piper (w/ Ric Flair) in a Elimination Handicap Match.
Jericho out first. Mickey Rourke is at ringside. The legends are out next. Ric Flair is out after that. King asks how many “Wrestlemania moments” the four men have given us. Flair, Piper, and Steamboat? Sure. Plenty. Snuka? Not so much unless getting beaten several times and squashed by the Undertaker counts. Piper and Jericho start and Piper shows that he can still brawl and sunset flip and then a freakin’ sloppy dropkick. Piper walks over and tags in Snuka. Snuka hits a Flair chop and beats on Jericho. He hits a chop in the middle of an Irish Whip and tags in Steamboat who hits an axehandle and HUGE Steamboat-style arm drags! Steamboat with an armlock. He tags Snuka. The two men double-chop Jericho. Snuka with a nice headbutt. Jericho turns him over and hits the Walls of Jericho. Snuka taps. Jericho breaks and attacks Steamboat. Piper in to face Jericho. He hits a Sleeper and hits a running Enzuguri and pins Piper. It’s Steamboat and Jericho! Crossbody block by Steamboat! HOLY SHIT! Two-count! Steamboat chops at Jericho and Jericho kicks him. Another kick while he’s down. He puts Steamboat into a modified Sleeper. Ricky out of it and shoulderblocks Jericho. Steamboat tries another and misses! But he holds the top rope and pulls himself up! Jericho attacks Flair! Jericho charges Steamboat and misses! He’s out of the ring. Steamboat DIVES FROM THE RING AND HITS A CROSSBODY BLOCK!!! Back in the ring, Steamboat gets a roll-up for two. Jericho with a bulldog. Jericho tries the Lionsault and misses. He charges Jericho and Jericho kicks him. STEAMBOAT WITH A POWERSLAM AND A NEAR FALL!!! Jericho goes for Walls of Jericho! Steamboat breats out, SMALL PACKAGE…1…2…NO!!! Suplex by Jericho!!! Counter but misses, Jericho hits the Codebreaker! 1…2…3!
WINNER: Chris Jericho via Codebreaker
GRADE: B+ match. Go Ricky!
Post-match, Flair gets in the ring and Jericho attacks but Flair goes apeshit and attacks in the corner, hitting several chops and strutting. Jericho, however, hits the Codebreaker. He kicks Flair out of the ring. Jericho grabs a mic. He says he’s the best in the world at what he does. He says he does just what he said he would do – beat the old guys who were washed up. He says there’s one more piece of business he wants to tend to – Mickey Rourke. He says while Mickey is a tough guy in the movies, Jericho is a real-life tough guy. Mickey Rourke gives him a “yack, yack, yack” hand signal. Jericho wants him in the ring now or he’ll come to Rourke and smack him in the face. Rourke is up. The crowd cheers. Rourke removes his jacket. He is hesitant to get in the ring. Rourke gets on the mat. He talks to Jericho, who tells him to get in. He’s in. Jericho just looks at him. He and Jericho round the ring. He goes after Jericho, punching at him. Jericho is stunned. Jericho raises his fists. Another few punches and Rourke hits a nice left hook, sending Jericho to the mat. In comes Flair who raises Jericho’s hand.
- A few months after Wrestlemania, Ric Flair waited for a contract extension from Vince McMahon and the WWE, with whom he wanted to finish his career. When it didn’t happen, Flair left the WWE. He wrestled with Ring of Honor and the 2009 Hulkamania Tour after this and would join TNA in 2010. He is still there, managing younger wrestlers after suffering two huge injuries that took him out of the wrestling spotlight.
- Richard Blood, AKA “Ricky Steamboat”, still makes occasional wrestling appearances for the WWE being a WWE Legend. It remains to be seen if he will return to Wrestlemania.
- Piper is also a Legend and makes appareances.
- James Reiher, AKA “Jimmy Snuka”, is in semi-retirement and wrestles independently.
Suddenly, we’re in a commercial where a tornado is ripping shit up. Then the National Guard speeds by and they win! They ask you to join the Guard so you, TOO, can fight and defeat tornadoes.
The lead-up promo for Matt vs. Jeff. Matt sucks on the mic. Matt, apparently, did things to hurt Jeff all the time, including killing his dog. Yes, Matt committed murder and the WWE is okay with this angle.
MATCH #4: Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Hardy in an Extreme Rules Match
Matt is out first. Jeff is out next. The match becomes a weapons fight early with some choice chair shots. Then a table is brought out and placed outside the ring. Jeff Hardy goes after his brother and hits a kick and then Enzuguri’s him into the ring steps. Then uses a Kendo Stick to whack him. Then gets a trash can and puts it over his head…then uses a crutch to hit him. Then uses the turnbuckle to swing kick him. Two-count. Half Suplex Face Slam by Jeff and he goes to the top rope and misses the Swanton. Matt up and kicks his brother hitting The Twist of Fate. Two-count. He goes to the top rope and Jeff hits him. Then he tries for a Superplex and hits it. Jeff Hardy picks up the chair and whacks Matt with it. He puts Matt on the table, hits him with a chair again, puts the chair on his chest, goes UNDER the ring again…really? What else do you need? A table? This is like putting Sundae fixings on top of a Turkey Sandwich. Jeff to the top rope and goes through the table, on top of his brother and through the other table. Stupid, in my opinion. He didn’t even hit Matt. He just went through the table and hit the floor. 1…2…Matt’s foot is on the ropes. Jeff goes outside to get the chair because, fuck, we don’t have enough weapons. THEN, he goes under the ring and pulls out the BFL. Oh, I’m sorry…TWO BFL’s. He hits a flying legdrop and then sets up the BFL. Then he sets up the other ladder which is a slightly smaller one. Jeff decides to climb the smaller one and use the big one to catapult his goofy ass off of it. He misses completely because, realistically, it would have probably really severely injured Matt had he landed wrong. Then Matt wraps his brother’s neck in a chair and hits the Twist of Fate for the win.
WINNER: Matt Hardy via Twist of Fate
GRADE: C-. This should have been better. Note to WWE: NOT EVERY MATCH HAS TO INVOLVE THE ENTIRE CONTENTS OF SIX HARDWARE STORES.
Post-match, he leaves the ring after celebrating. Lock your dogs up. He might kill them.
- Jeff Hardy had several injuries and left the WWE to heal later in the year. In late 2009, Hardy was arrested for prescription drug and steroid trafficking. A raid of his home uncovered several hundred amounts of different prescription drugs, steroids, cocaine and other drug paraphernalia. Because he was now in violation of WWE’s Wellness Policy, he was released. In 2010, he joined TNA where he became their champion. Sting beat him for his belt in 2011. He would have the chance to get it back but didn’t in one of the most bizarre matches ever shown on TV. Hardy appeared completely out of it. Sting beat him in 90 seconds after Hardy just stood in a corner, looking oblivious to everything. After the match, Hardy was sent home. He would return to TNA later in the year with no real reference to what happened except to tell the fans that he wanted “one more shot”. He rejoined TNA in 2014 under the name “Willow”.
A promo for the “Legends of Wrestlemania” video game.
Backstage, Randy Orton gets ready for his match. Cody Rhodes and DiBiase, Jr. are in the same room, chilling.
MATCH #5: WWE Intercontinental Champion John “Bradshaw” Layfield vs. Rey Mysterio
Bradshaw has a mic. He thanks Texas. He says today is the greatest day in his great life. He says that, months ago, he had a vision where he returned to Texas as champion. He says Texas has no champions because they’ve gone soft. He says that Texas can now be proud of him. He says today, he will give them the most dominant victory in Wrestlemania history. Rey comes out with a fucking Joker gimmick if the Joker was dying of cancer. Garcia introduces both men. The ref explains rules but JBL just boots the fuck out of Rey right in the head. Then he stomps a mudhole in him. Ref backs him off. JBL yells, “RING THE BELL!!!” repeatedly. Bell rings. Enzuguri by Rey. Dropkick by Rey. 619 by Rey. Frog Splash by Rey. Pin by Rey. Win by Rey.
WINNER AND NEW CHAMPION: Rey via Frog Splash
GRADE: F+ match by Matt.
Post-match, Rey celebrates. In the ring, JBL just sits in the ring. JR puts on the his Klassy hat and says, “And now, JBL finds out how the great state of Texas felt at the Alamo…it was a bad day at the office.” JBL has a mic. He says he’s got something to say. The crowd boos. Bradshaw shrugs and looks defeated. He says, “I…I…I…I QUIT!!!” The crowd cheers.
- Layfield quit the WWE the very next day in 2009. He would return in 2011. His semi-retirement was due to injury. Rumor has it that he originally left because he was not on good terms with the WWE. In any case, he returned to the WWE in 2013 and works as a commentator on both RAW and Smackdown.
Nascar star Carl Edwards is at ringside.
Lead-up promo for Michaels/Undertaker.
MATCH #6: Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker
Shawn Michaels descends down from “Heaven” wearing all white. This entrance is incredible. He goes past the entrance ramp. He goes to his knees and prays, then throws his arms up and fireworks erupt above the Wrestlemania sign and Jumbotron set-up. It all ends, however, with The Undertaker’s gong. He appears with fog and lightning. Suddenly, he raises his arms and flames erupt. Both men stare at each other in the ring. The two men glare. Bell rings. Here we go. Missed punch and chop by Michaels. Two more chops by Michaels. He chases Michaels around the ring and Michaels just punches the crap out of him and chops him. Michaels into the ropes. Missed chop, arm twist and Undertaker tosses Michaels over the top turnbuckle. Crotch chop and Undertaker lunges but Michaels leaps away and pretends he has a bad knee. Then attacks the Undertaker. Taker takes over and punches Michaels in the corner. Michaels and Taker battle in the corner and Taker sends him flying into the opposite corner and a back body drop. Taker with a press slam. Elbow drop and a cover. Arm twist and shoulderblocks by Taker. Arm twist again and Old School…he hits it. Taker tries for a Big Boot in the corner but misses. Michaels starts going after his knee and hits an Atomic Drop and Chop Block. Low drop kick by Michaels. Michaels goes for a Figure Four and hits it. Taker locked in. Taker punches at Michaels and gets out of the hold. Michaels drop kick at the knee. Michaels goes off the ropes but Taker grabs him and runs him into the corner. He punches and kicks Michaels in the corner. He charges and hits a huge clothesline. And another. He hits Snake Eyes and a HUGE Big Boot. Guillotine Leg Drop and a two-count. Chokeslam attempt but Michaels counters with the Crossface. Taker turns it over for a quick two-count. Taker gets up. Michaels loses his grip and Taker hits the Sidewalk Slam. Two-count! Punches and slaps exchanged. Taker goes for a Body Drop and Michaels counters with a kick. This pisses Taker off and two exchange shots. Taker puts him into the ropes and Michaels hits a flying elbow. He flips up to his feet…inverted Atomic Drop and a chop. Another inverted Atomic Drop and a flying clothesline. Michaels goes to the top rope. Taker sits up. Ruh Roh. Michaels flies at him but Taker catches him! CHOKESL–NO! Michaels gets out and goes for Sweet Chin Music but Taker is too close and goes down from his knee hitting. He goes for a Figure Four BUT TAKER COUNTERS INTO THE HELL’S GATE!!! Michaels gets to the ropes!!! Wow!!! Michaels gets out of the ring. Taker chases him and smacks his head into the steps. He places Michaels’ body in the ring and has his head hanging off the mat. Undertaker with a Guillotine Legdrop AND MISSES!!! Taker is outside…Michaels hits a Baseball Slide. Taker goes down. Michaels goes to the top rope and tries for the Moonsault but Taker just shoves him aside and Michaels hits the floor HARD. Taker is sitting to catch his breath. Taker in the ring, laying down. Michaels is in severe pain. Ref tends to him. Suddenly, Undertaker sits up. Michaels looks and sees him. Taker goes off the ropes, running AND SWAN DIVES OUT OF THE RING!!! MICHAELS PULLS THE CAMERA MAN IN FRONT OF HIM AND TAKER HITS HIM!!! Just OMFG…that was BRUTAL. The ref, Michaels, Taker, and the camera guy are all down. Finally, Michaels gets up and gets back in the ring. Michaels goes outside and drags the ref in. He’s trying to wake the ref up. He tells the ref to start counting the Undertaker out. Finally, the ref starts counting. The crowd boos loudly. Michaels gets on his knees and he’s freaking out. Taker gets up, trying SO hard to get up. Eight…Taker to his knees…Nine…Taker jolts himself back in. Michaels is pissed. He gets up and starts tuning up for Sweet Chin Music. Taker tries to get to his feet, MICHAELS MISSES AND UNDERTAKER HITS A HUGE CHOKESLAM!!! 1…2…3KICKOUT!!! Taker is up and lifts Michaels up. He tries for a Tombstone and Michaels counters with Sweet Chin Music! But Undertaker catches the foot and goes for another Chokeslam! Michaels gets out AND HITS SWEET CHIN MUSIC!!! Cover…1…2…KICKOUT!!! Both men down…at five, Michaels flips up. He lifts Taker up but Taker chokes him and sits up. He goes for The Last Ride…but Michaels counters with a Sunset Flip! Taker reaches down, lifts him up, AND HITS THE LAST RIDE!!! 1…2…KICKOUT!!! Michaels down…Taker to the top rope…flying elbow and NOBODY THERE!!! Both men down…ref begins counting. Taker gets to his knees…he uses the ropes to get up. So does Michaels. Michaels lunges at Taker but Taker sends him outside…but Michaels pulls himself back up!!! He tries Head Scissors and Taker TURNS IT INTO THE TOMBSTONE!!! Michaels holds onto the ropes but Taker pulls him away…TOMBSTONE!!! 1…2…3MICHAELS KICKS OUT!!! Holy shit. Taker calls for it again!!! He goes and pulls Michaels up…Tombstone but COUNTER BY MICHAELS INTO A CARTWHEEL DDT!!! Michaels crawls, with all his strength, to the ropes and to the outside…he goes to the turnbuckle and drags himself to the top rope…Michaels gets there…he leaps and hits the Flying Elbow!!! He drags himself to his feet…tells the Undertaker to get up…he charges up for SCM…Taker gets to his feet…he HITS SWEET CHIN MUSIC!!! PIN!!! 1…2…3NOOOOOO!!! UNDERTAKER KICKS OUT!!! The crowd begins chanting, “THIS IS AWESOME”. That phrase doesn’t even begin to cover it. The two grapple, getting to their feet! They exchange punches and chops! Holy shit…BIG BOOT OUT OF NOWHERE BY THE UNDERTAKER!!! Michaels to his feet…Taker goes for the Tombstone…counter and chops by Michaels…Michaels into the corner…Taker charges and Michaels counters with a kick…this is on a whole other level right now. Michaels to his feet. Taker to his feet. Michaels to the top rope! MOONSAUL–NO!!! ‘TAKER CATCHES HIM AND TOMBSTONES HIM!!! TAKER WINS.
WINNER: The Undertaker via Tombstone.
GRADE: Holy shit. Is there a grade higher than an A+??? I wish there was…this match was a classic. Sheer perfection. Each time I watch that match, I am floored by how great it was. The Undertaker just seemed to get better from here.
Post-match, The Undertaker sits up as we get replays. Taker does his salute…and the Jumbotron says, “17-0″…wow. Just, wow…this was special.
Promo for RAW the next night.
Evander Holyfield is ringside with his kids.
Promo for the lead-up to the World Heavyweight Championship.
MATCH #7: Edge (champion) vs. Big Show (challenger) vs. John Cena (challenger) in a Triple Threat Match for the World Heavyweight Championship
Chavo Guerrero is with Vickie and brings her out in the wheelchair. Edge is out next. Then Big Show. Then John Ce–what fresh hell is this??? A million John Cena’s come out and stand on opposite sides of the aisle. They all raise their hands and do “U CAN’T SEE ME”…THEN the REAL Cena comes out and runs down the aisle between all of them. Clever. (Yes, but I prefer the number of John Cenas to be one or less.) Cena gets his mixed crowd noise. We’re ready to go here. Cena and Edge go at it. Show takes out Edge and Cena ducks an attack from Show. He tries to dropkick show but goes down with no effect on Show. Edge and Show try a quick alliance but Show says “fuck that” and Show just crotch-drops Edge onto the ropes, then springs him back into the ring. Cena tries for the FU/AA/WhateverTheyCallItNow but Show kicks Cena in the face. Show just destroys Cena, even sending him 8 feet into the air and crashing to the mat. Cena manages to get Show out of the ring and Edge dropkicks the steel steps into his legs. Then Cena hits a Flying Leg Drop to the outside. Edge throws Cena back into the ring and starts punching him. Cena, out of nowhere, goes for the AA but Edge counters with a DDT. Two-count. Edge to the top rope but Cena rushes over and decks him. Show back into the ring and gives Cena a Sidewalk Slam. Two-count. Cena punches Show in the stomach and kicks at the knees. He goes off the ropes but Chavo, outside, grabs his foot. Cena hits the AA and gets back in the ring. He attacks Show who gets tied in the ropes. He slams Cena Bombs Edge, U Can’t See Me and Five Knuckle Shuffle. He goes for an AA but Vickie gets on the mat. Cena is thrown at her but he stops himself. Edge goes for a Spear and hits Vickie, which is ALWAYS good. Cannot stand her character. Edge and Cena double clothesline each other. Show gets loose and just beats on both men, chopping, punching, splashing and hits a double splash in the corner. He goes for a Double Chokeslam, hits it on Edge but Cena gets out. Cena goes for the AA but Show gets out and just levels Cena with a punch. Edge on the announce table but counters. Show is down. Edge puts the ring steps near him. Edge runs at him and clotheslines Show through the crowd barricade. Cole keeps calling Edge “The opportunistic Edge”, an angle I never got. Every wrestlers is opportunistic. Edge goes to Cena and tosses him into the ring. Two-count. Cena tries to get up. Edge waits, ready to hit the Spear and charges but Cena hits the STF! Edge tries to get to the ropes and Cena breaks the hold and applies it again. Show is back and breaks the hold by dragging Cena out of the ring and headbutting him. Show to the second rope and goes for a splash but misses. Cena in. He tries for a suplex and can’t do it…but Edge actually helps him out! Cena looks confused. Edge does, too. They look at each other and double clotheslines Show! He boots Cena and gets a two-count. Edge tries a hold but Cena breaks out and hits a Blockbuster. Cena to the top rope and Show shoves Cena off and RIGHT INTO A SPEAR BY EDGE!!! Cena dragged in and gets a cover but Show breaks it up at two, chopping at Edge. Show headbutts Edge. He charges and hits Edge’s feet. He puts a Sleeper on Show but Edge keeps it. Cena walks over and lifts both Edge and Show on his shoulders for the AA…Edge leaves and he hits it on Show!!! Edge attacks but Cena hits it on Edge, too!!! 1…2…3!!! Cena is your new champ!!! B+ all the way for this one. It ended greatly.
WINNER AND NEW CHAMPION: John Cena via AA
GRADE: I watched this again the other night and I have to say that it’s a B-. The match has good moments but it kinda stalls multiple times plus it’s overbooked.
Post-match, Cena celebrates with fans. Then he stands next to a fan who boos him mercilessly. At the entrance ramp, he holds the belt up.
- Chavo Guerrero wrestled for the WWE for two more years…but, by then, he was just moving down in popularity. In June of 2011, at his request, Chavo got his release from the WWE. He currently wrestles independently.
Promo for Wrestlemania 26 in Arizona.
Back at Reliant Stadium, we get a promo for Legends of Wrestlemania.
WWE Hall of Fame time…here is the Class of 2009:
- Terry and Dory Funk
- Cowboy Bill Watts
- Howard Finkel
- Koko B. Ware
- Kevin Von Erich
- Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat
- Stone Cold Steve Austin
Steve Austin leaves…and comes back with his Austin 3:16 t-shirt on. He rides his ATV around the ring. Then he backs up, nearly taking out some ramp lights. Austin gets into the ring. The Texas crowd loves it. A HUGE fucking banner reads, “HELL YEAH” with a skull next to it. Another huge one says, “3:16”. Stone Cold has beers and celebrates. Austin celebrates with J.R. and puts on his hat. He takes the entire cooler in the ring and gets more beers. He takes a beer with him and drives his ATV…which I am sure is illegal. At the entrance ramp, he toasts the crowd. He drinks it, gets on his ATV and leaves.
A Backlash promo.
Lillian Garcia says that Wrestlemania at Reliant Stadium is sold out at 72,744.
Lead-up promo for Orton/HHH.
MATCH #8: Randy Orton (challenger) vs. Triple H (champion) for the WWE Championship (If HHH is DQ’ed, counted out or brings the sledgehammer to the ring, Orton wins the title)
Backstage, HHH walks by Shane and Vince McMahon and looks at both of them. Dead silence between them. Orton is out first. Orton looks like a badass and just walks slowly to the ring. Triple H is out next with a Sledgehammer. He has a big mirror in front of him. He smashes it with a sledgehammer. He does his posing and glares at Orton who is outside, below him. Garcia introduces both men. I hope this is good. I haven’t been impressed with HHH’s last few matches. HHH lunges at Orton and he takes control early, stomping a mudhole in Orton. The ref keeps warning him AND RANDY ORTON HITS THE RKO OUT OF NOWHERE!!! Unbelievable…except Orton doesn’t cover. Instead, he goes and punts HHH, but misses…PEDIGREE! Well, hell! Triple H, however, cannot get a cover and Orton tries to recover. HHH gets out of the ring, as does Orton. HHH goes after Orton and hits him. Then he slams Orton’s head into the announce table. He grabs somebody’s water and pours it on his head. He gets back in and starts punching Orton. Orton outside now. HHH follows but Orton kicks him and tries to ram his head into the post. HHH reverses and does that instead. Then both men back in. Orton begs off. HHH just slowly walks to him and kicks him over like a bowling pin. He follows up but Orton hangs onto the ropes. HHH just slingshots his throat into them. Then he knees Orton. He hits a knee drop into Orton’s head. He hits a running forearm. HHH follows with a Reverse Neckbreaker. Orton outside again but HHH just follows him and slings him at the ring steps. Orton reverses and HHH into the steps, himself. Orton tosses HHH over the timekeeper pit. Crowd is now dead. Orton back into the ring and tells the ref to start counting. Three…four…HHH back out of the pit…five…HHH is up…six…seven…HHH back in. Orton stomps on him. He tries to stomp on his rib cage and does. Knee drop into HHH’s neck. Straight kick and two-count. Orton begins to pound on HHH. Orton with shots to his head. The ref pulls Orton off of HHH. Orton kicks HHH and punches him. Headlock and HHH counters with a Back Suplex. HHH charges at Orton but Orton hits a powerslam! 1…2…two-count. Orton has HHH in a Sleeper. HHH gets to his feet. Orton breaks and hits HHH. Then they trade shots. Finally, Orton hits a kick and a few shots and HHH hits a flying knee off the ropes!!! Charge and clothesline! HHH into the ropes and Orton with a Facebuster. Pedigree but Orton counters and slingshots HHH into the turnbuckle…Orton runs off the ropes but HHH recovers and hits a clothesline. Orton into the corner. HHH tries a Superplex but Orton powers out. He drops HHH into the turnbuckle. Orton climbs the turnbuckle to the second rope. He leaps but HHH puts the leg up and ANOTHER Pedigree attempt! Orton counters the Pedigree and hits a flip pin. Two-count! RKO but countered and a pin for two by HHH! SPINEBUSTER by HHH. Pedigree and Orton hits the inverted Backbreaker! 1…2…kick-out. HHH up to the top rope and leaps and ORTON HITS A MID-AIR DROPKICK!!! Wow! Orton crawls to the rope. Replays show that Orton caught him in the face. Orton waits…and gets a look in his eyes…he goes for the Punt Kick again…but HHH catches his foot…and flips Orton out of the ring. Orton crawls away but HHH follows and just beats him, ramming his head on the announce table. HHH clears it and is about to use the monitor to bludgeon Orton. The ref, repeatedly, warns HHH that he’ll get disqualified. You know, like all those OTHER times HHH used it with the ref watching and didn’t get DQ’ed. HHH goes for the Pedigree on the announce table….but ORTON REVERSES INTO A BACK BODY DROP!!! I cannot believe the announce table is still in one piece. Orton drags HHH off the table, leaving his feet on it. Then hits the DDT. The ref in the ring, starts to count…1…2…3…4…5…6…7…8…9…HHH up to the ring and in. The ref should have been at 10 already and the crowd knows it. He stomps a mudhole in HHH. The ref is not stopping this. Finally, after like 27 kicks, he backs Orton off. Orton hits HHH in the corner. Then he stomps him in the corner. Finally, the two men trade shots! Orton throws HHH into the corner and the ref is down. Orton with an RKO! Orton rolls over to the ref…then rolls out and goes to Home Depot to get HHH’s sledgehammer. Orton in AND HHH PUNT KICKS ORTON IN THE HEAD!!! Damn…Orton up. HHH up and decks Orton with the Sledgehammer and that rule suddenly doesn’t matter so the match goes on. Then he puts the hammer outside the ring. HHH is up to his feet again and punches Orton. Another punch. He just punches the shit out of Orton and the ref warns HHH to back off. He picks up Orton and goes for the Pedigree and hits it and forget it.
WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: HHH via Pedigree.
GRADE: A B- match, all told. Could have been booked a bit better. This one had the potential to be great but lacked speed. The cheap hammer at the end with the ref out felt like a gigantic cop-out.
Post-match, HHH celebrates. Fireworks go off.
Overall, this one gets a C+. I liked Undertaker/Michaels and the first main event but that last one just dragged things down. Note to the WWE – you need to stop the Diva crap. Nobody cares. It’s rarely good. And stop with the old guy shit. And get guys who care into MITB. And stop with little quickee matches that nobody cares about. It was like 2 1/2 hours of bullshit and 1 1/2 of par wrestling and one great match.
Two more to go…